Looking Good While No One's Looking

Death eeks out my mouth,
out past nicotine lips and
forgotten promises, bold lies
and tragedies.
Take it down again,
you can't
stop at
just
one.

What cold, useless monster have I become, 
lurking in the hollows of my cheekbones and drawn eyelids,
I see more blank canvases beneath my skin, waiting to be etched 
by knife or needle, bleed me of these thoughts,
recreate what has become so mishapen in the dark,
shape me in the image of something...
something beautiful.

This addiction...Yes. It too is beautiful.
Watch as I lull beneath its velvet soft fire,
consume me, o great oblivion
as I stand of the threshold of a new beginning
I retreat to the ever-green pastures to hide
from myself, and my thoughts, from my pain.
Objective reality is skewed by perception,
your face hides in the knots of the cellar door,
always peering at something behind you,
always looking away. 

Image...imageimage...

Someday, these arms will remember how 
to hold themselves,
clinging things, they ache with
the thought of you,
to be held by you,
touched, loved, missed by you.
Without your lips to distract mine,
they demand to be satisfied with nicotine
and vapid, pointless conversation.
My neck too misses the sweet breath that
once curled along like fire/ice/steam/need,
O, agonizing for those petals to touch
with that spark!desire. My love,
O my love...
How I miss you.
And yet I know;
These eyes, they will see beyond the horizon
of you and I,
To find something greater, something New,
but not at all possible
without you.

Give back all my stupid, hopless young promises and leave me bitter. 
My heart tastes better cold. 
The sunset shrinks on the hills, shadows steal with a hush,
night is coming. 
When the stars alight in the meaningless sky
and I stand before you anew,
you will see by the colour of my eye 
that I have swallowed the moon.

Monster of my dreams, you lurk in the variable nightmares of the real.
What are you, that which haunts and inspires? 
My love for you is only exceeded by the knowledge that you
shall be the end of me,
my beautiful terror. 
Why will you so benevolently haunt me?,
creasing along the lines of bloodshot eyes to 
burn suddlenly. 
Tears. 
Is it love, or sheer hatred that binds us like the parasictic 
poison oak to a dying tree? 
I shall more than destroy you,
I shall become you
and all you could
never
be.


Blerrrrrrrg.......fuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkk*choke

*choke,stopbreathe,O twist the knife in my back
scratch a hole in my heart,
see the look on your face 
as my world falls apart.
you love it, some peice of you wants it,
break me down, try,
because I'm harder than I look, 
and there's never nothing left. 


arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg.....
it wasn't late when I started writing......